When it doesn’t feel like Christmas.

The Apologista

It just didn’t feel like Christmas this year, one of my children shared with me on the Eve of Christmas Eve. I went through the checklist in my head. Despite my disorganized state of mind, somehow we managed to pull off much of our Christmas to do list: cookies, cards, caroling, shopping, decorating, lights and more. Even though I didn’t have the energy and I struggled to find motivation, somehow we did much of what one considers Christmassy. The stockings are even hung by the TV with care. What was she talking about?

But as I lay in my bed this morning, I felt it too. It doesn’t feel like Christmas Eve.

Maybe it’s the grief.

Before 2014, I looked around the table at holidays and wondered how I got so #blessed. I knew I didn’t deserve such a Norman Rockwell picture. Sure we were human and flawed, and there…

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