Standing in my closet, frozen in a fog- like existence.

Time seems to have stopped ,but is still going. I have to dress. I cant focus ………I grab a black skirt and a teal sweater, remembering those bright outfits I would wear to see her in the hospital, to cheer her.

How did I get here?…. I thought God said” This illness would not end in death”, I feel lost and alone. I have to get ready. I am late…. I have to go.

Today is my first born daughter’s memorial service, she was just 29.

It is hard, when you can’t see the tomorrows Jesus is holding for you, or the grace that will come.  It is overwhelming to think, that for his purposes, this will be used for good and to mold us. I didn’t sign up for this….. but I have to get up every day and…